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Today's youth day but I don't feel youthful. In fact I feel more... say... matured. Blah whatever.
Never mind that. Haha today during training I was like thinking about many many stuff. Oh well I've been in a real dazzle and whirl during the holidays, and I'm really loving it. But hey it did not seem to get well off for the first week of school. And for some reason I'm just skipping past my days like emptying the rubbish bin. Oh man something HAS to be done.
And I've decided. From tomorrow onwards I shall push to my limits everyday, anyday. Well at least for the next few months. Stop living in a whirl and snap back to reality. Stop living in a dazzle. Stop everything unrealistic. Pick up that school bag. Pick up that jersey and shoes. Study and train. For all that's worth.
Unless I can keep staying in a whirl and yet live to the see a real sun everyday, I won't. I'm not shutting myself off from the world. Don't get me wrong. Wahah whirl swirl twirl. DAZZLING life i've had this June. *sigh*
Thankyou for reading. Thankyou.
Well today was rather alright. I just skipped through it like nothing hence I suddenly felt all serious and grave. I wonder too. If we all just whizz our lives away, and if it so happens that you are a rather in-the-shadows kinda person, then wouldn't your life... not.bother.at.all?
In my opinion I think I'm one such guy. Totally insignificant. Without me everyone would still live to see the day. Without me everyone would still be happy. Without me everyone would still remain the way they were. I'm neither the most important person in anyone's life nor the most infamous person one has ever got to know, and I say it'll stay that way as long as I live on.
The problem with me is, I'm never satisfied. I'm writing this cuz I'm unsatisfied. Unsatisfied of my life, my current position, my limits, my talents, myself. I'm unsatisfied that I'm not as good, or perhaps better than others. I'm unsatisfied that I don't know everything. I'm unsatisfied that I can't reach the skies. Trust me, this thinking is very inhuman I believe. I'm just... inhuman then.
A sense of inferiority doesn't help. In fact I feel inferior almost all the time. In times of joy, anger, sorrow, even peace. Be it inhuman or selfish or just completely dumb and stupid. I... I just want more and more. I'm jealous, I feel inferior, I want more. Look at myself in the mirror and I can sigh. Look at myself from all the things i did, and I can't see myself. I am barely touching the surfaces of the lives of people and I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. Trust me to be forever uncontented with life, but sometimes i grow tired. Tired, full of fatigue, wanting to rest. The problem is, I override myself. I can't rest. I want to fly higher and higher, run faster and faster, soar greater and greater, soul stronger and stronger.
I'm now devoid of thoughts. Thank you for coming to this blog and reading my post. I so greatly appreciate it.
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