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Haha I was in some rotten mood yesterday and didn't do much work, nor much of anything else.
Training in the morning yesterday turned out horribly bad. Did a pyramid 100m 200m 350m and I finished the last 350m in 50 seconds. Which was downright horrible and even worse than the last time I ran it (was a 49).
Then I just sat on the steps and thought about things. The 400m. How I madly trained from sec one, how I used to go run on my own when I couldn't make it for trainings, how I used to run extra stuff on non-training days. I thought about how I wanted to make a difference this year, both to myself and to Raffles.
I thought about the 49. The 49 I had in mind which I told myself that I was going to achieve sooner or later. I thought about my prospects for the nationals. And somehow things just don't fall into place. I doubt I can even qualify for the semis, well once again. Trying to be positive does work but not after the 350m run yesterday I was quite devastated.
Perhaps I'm not sad over the fact that my 350m simply sucked. Rather it was because how it is so blatant that no amount of passion nor training can take one far without enough talent to start with. It's very true for track. It is quite true for other things too. And we see for ourselves how this can happen and crumble ourselves to it because as much as we try we fight against these odds, and these odds crumble us without an effort.
I'm putting aside the high standards, the expectations, the names to live up to. I'm going to do my best. No point wearing myself down with the timings I can't reach. I am going to run my best, the best that I can. And make myself proud that I've come this far, from an unfit nobody to someone who can run his best for his school. All you winners out there, probably this may never be a concern to you. But in essence this matters to me.
To this day people still ask me why I chose track. I was inspired and really impressed by the spirit and cheering, the exhilaration and the high from sports meets from primary school. But the thing was that I was horribly unfit from childhood pneumonia and wasn't fast enough to run. Then I slowly ran more, and more, and more. In sec one there was the sports specific test, and I was considered for hockey and track. I took the latter for I felt so much more about it. Even though I clocked 22 seconds for 150m (which is really bad now I think) back then I knew I was for track.
Now here I am. Ready to take the world. The round is mine to conquer. To conquer my own mind. To conquer my doubts and to prove myself wrong, and prove to myself that I have what it takes, without that early age speed. And Raffles has taken me this far.
Training at choa chu kang stadium tomorrow and I'm going to push it through.
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