|
It's a new morning, to another year of my very existence!
And I was remembering what happened yesterday, when t'akbolehtahan told us to make a birthday wish before blowing the candles. I realized I didn't really have a specific wish in mind - nothing much that I really wanted to have, neither in terms of personal achievements nor even material gains. So when I blew the flames off the candles I had nothing but a cloud of doubt in mind hahaha.
This morning I realized for myself what I really want - on top of all these endless material wants and seemingly tall-order targets, it all boils down to a wish to be better, through a few ways.
I wish for inspiration. It's been quite a long while since I last felt greatly inspired and driven to achieve more than what I expect myself to, and finally I experienced another defining moment for myself - the T'sparanza finale. Though it didn't really bring about a strong change in me, it really re-affirmed my place in this school. This is why I'm in Raffles, because I know I'm one who never settles for the status quo, truly, in every essence of it. I want to be inspired, to be driven beyond my usual targets, to be motivated to be bigger than what I expect myself to be. I want inspiration to take me beyond my limits, and to make me believe that I've got what it takes, just like each and every Rafflesian who's made it.
I wish for focus. I truly acknowledge that the past four years spent in RI have been pretty much lacklustre because half the time I don't know what I'm doing, or I don't know why I'm wasting time away. This is definitely got to stop, in order to do things well in RJ. I want to be focussed and not let the pressure of time get the better of me and allow me to hang loose and forget about everything else. I want to be disciplined enough to grasp every second and make the best of it. I want to be focussed enough to be the best I can be, and not sidetrack.
I wish for confidence. I think this has been a problem in sec 1/2 where I simply refused to take up more commitments owing to the fact that I believed I couldn't handle it. Then it was no longer applicable to me, and I'm thankful that I believe strongly that I have what it takes to soar. However I need more. My second math lecture early this week made me so nervous when we started on secondary school math revision and I was choking on every single question because I was so uptight about trying to do well, and it shows me something about myself. I want to be more self-reassuring, and I want more faith in myself that I have what it takes, everytime, anywhere.
I know I'm wishing for these things. But actually true enough they needn't be wished for. I know I have them within me and they're just waiting to be unlocked, and tapped upon. It all really depends on oneself to decide how one's life is going to be, kinda. God sees us through our daily lives, but very importantly, we have to do our part before He does His. And I will do mine - to the very best of my abilities. This won't be an overnight change, but oh well, I'm seventeen and it's really time to do something about my small-ri-boy mentality!
I can't wait for school tomorrow - time to pick up the pace and to set things straight - and also to enjoy my time with my class, but most importantly with t'akbolehtahan :D It's been really a nice journey so far with you guys, and I'll never forget these memories, marked by crowns, scrapbooks, cakes and all you people!
Tomorrow will be a nice day!
| 
